THE MANGFATHER BOB KATZ
CAUGHT IN A BUTT SANDWICH
LYRICS
CAUGHT IN A BUTT SANDWICH
(Bob Katz)
Verse 1
Sitting on the subway, all alone
Thinking of the fun I’ll have, when I get home
A man sat down and he was large
His booty almost moved me to the next car
A woman came in and sat abreast
I was thinking ‘which mango is the best’
Lost track of my bearings and when I looked up
I was caught between, ‘uh-oh!’, two big butts!
Refrain
You been caught in a butt sandwich
Caught in a butt sandwich……A butt sandwich…..Butt sandwich
Verse 2
Now normally, I like me some tail
But these rumps was squeezing so tight, I can’t exhale
A woman cross the aisle started screaming in Spanish,
‘Dios mios it’s a Manwich in a butt sandwich!’
I was really embarrassed so I turned to the preacher
He said, ‘let Jesus, be your teacher’
I said, ‘he may be God’s son,
But he’d still be a burger in a hot-cross bun’
Refrain
Bridge
Can't move…….Can't breath……I'm never gonna be able to leave (2X)
Cause I'm caught!
Refrain
Verse 3
So then the train comes around to my stop
I pull and I squeeze, and out I pop
Go flying (in)to the lap of a sexy man
I guess that’s what they mean, by God’s plan
You been caught in a butt sandwich
Caught in a butt sandwich…..A butt sandwich
A sandwich is a sandwich, but a Manwich is a meal
But now I got something real……..A butt sandwich (3X)
A butt sandwich (4X)
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THE GOOD OLD DAYS
(Bob Katz)
Verse 1
You didn’t have no drunk ass teacher with the tenure. You don’t have to like me I don’t care if I offend ya.
You didn’t have to keep your money in your socks, so you can get home when they threaten you with glocks.
You didn’t have to suck at Parsons Boulevard Station. You didn’t have to escape by faking mental retardation.
You didn’t have your friends all die from AIDS. Don’t tell me no shit about “The Good Old Days”.
Verse 2
You didn’t have the sister with her life turned to wreckage. Referenced by Grandmaster Flash in “The Message”.
“They pushed that girl in front of the train. Took her to the doctor, sewed her arm on again”
You didn’t hear about it on Channel Eleven. That Skull and Crossbones, made an impression.
No one told me what was going on. I followed it on TV, all alone.
Didn’t know if my sister was going to live! And I was just a fucking kid!
You didn‘t have to go to school, the next day. Everybody pointing “why he here,” like I had a say.
None of my teachers asked how I was doing. All I got was “how come your grades aren’t improving?”
You didn’t get no threats from NBC’s Gabe Pressman. An exclusive from my parents or he’d oppress them.
Media sharks feeding frenzy gone wild! And all my father say to me is “how dare you smile!”
Motherfucker, I was still just a child!
So don’t push me cause I’m close to the edge. And don’t tell me no shit about “The Good Old Days”
Bridge
You come to New York, like 5 years ago. Wall Street money, daddy’s credit card in tow.
Buying big apartments, the Gucci garments, you paying in cash, but without the installments.
Talk like you been here, from the beginning. “I miss the old Times Square; it was So Real!”
What the hell do you know! All you doing is winning. “We was kicking it, Old School!”
Sorry, I hate, to call you ridiculous. But just cause you read Patti Smith, don’t make you indigenous!
So you wanna know what, it was really like. Wanna get a good whiff, of that garbage strike.
Let me take your ass back to them good old days!
Verse 3
You didn’t have to walk, in the middle of the street, to stay out of the latest, racial beef
You didn’t get made, to feel like a fool , when that lady from Yale say “we don’t take people from your school!”
You didn’t have the teacher with the gun to the head. You didn’t have the same textbooks Abe Lincoln read.
You didn’t have your arm broke by punks during recess; cause you a Short Fat Faggot Jew Boy, Caucasian Reject.
So there you have it. There’s my dossier. That fucks me up, till this day.
So just don’t tell me, it was only a phase. And don’t tell me no shit, about “The Good Old Days”.
It’s like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from goin’ under (repeat)
How could you say that? I guess this is payback. Fuck you world!
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TOO MANY CRITICS
(Bob Katz)
Chorus
Too many critics, not enough doers, Too many shakers, not enough movers
Too many experts, not enough creators
Gonna go crazy, with all of you haters
It's so easy to criticize. It’s so hard to mobilize. When will you realize….
Verse 1
Little girl post(s) a poem on Facebook
Troll say she look like she came from a spaceship
Everyone think it’s so damn funny
Little girl hang herself on Monday
Mean as shit cause you think you anonymous
Jealousy for those who create is bottomless
Your bullshit opinions are so fucking monotonous
When there’s show called “Loser”, you’ll be eponymous
Chorus
Verse 2
Bigshot Critic takes a playwriting class
Keeps panning us all with his verbal gas
When he bring in his work we give it THUMBS DOWN
That’s the last time we see Mr. Bigshot around
He can dish it out but he can’t take it
He can criticize art but he can’t make it
He’s a snake in the grass, and he can’t fake it
My will is strong and he can’t break it!
Chorus
Bridge (sung)
You Facebook critics are so boring. When you talk I can’t stop snoring
You are not prophetic. You are just pathetic
Verse 3
Sitting in song group going over a piece
My feedback’s going on, it’s giving me no peace
So in love with my voice, say the same thing twice
Better shut the fuck up take my own advice
Cause artistic work is non-negotiable
It lives, it breathes, it's not disposable
This is the thing I’m trying to teach
But I better be sure to follow what I preach!
Chorus
END
(Repeat 1st part of chorus then)
Stop reviewing, Start doing (4-5X) START!
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IF YOU SEE SOMETHING, SAY SOMETHING/YO PIZZA RAT
(Bob Katz)
Verse 1
“If you see something, say something”, the poster said
I see a man out cold, don’t know if he’s dead
Tell the cop standing there patrolling the subway
He says “cool your pits man, he’s nothing but a junkie”
Chorus (2X)
(So) If you see something say something (Muthafucka)
And we’ll laugh/smirk and we’ll do nothing
Cause we don’t give a shit, about your suffering
Let’s get these bullets pumping! (1st time)
Let’s get down, get this party bumping! (2nd time)
Verse 2
A man yells “that woman jumped onto the tracks!”
There’s a train speeding toward her gonna flatten her ass
We beg and we plead for her to run
She stands there staring at us, but finally she come
We pull her up to the platform, out of the tracks
She acts like nothing happened; she’s totally whacked
I go up to the subway booth, give it a smack
The token man, seen it, just turns his back
Chorus
Bridge
Stop right there!
Why the fuck you blaming me
I’m not the savior of humanity
You give me these weapons, tell me to stop the terror
Now we’ve got a police state, you see the error
You knew this was coming, take that blanket off of your head
So why the hell you calling me, you made your own bed
Verse 3
(Telephone Dial Tone noise)
911
There’s a donut on the floor with powder that looks like Anthrax.
Yes
Say Something!
911
There’s this guy sitting across from me and he looks like a Mooslim. You know, he's got a beard, and he’s wearing this really big winter coat. Like I don’t know if he’s got a bomb in there or maybe he’s just really fat. He’s also got his hair in this head dress thing and I think he may have a gun in there.
No
Do Nothing!
Crisis HotLine
My best friend’s fiancé just made a pass at me. I believe he may be a terrorist.
Yes
Say Something!
My husband is wearing the ugliest pants I have ever seen. Do you think he may have joined Al Quai Eeda?
No
Do Nothing!
There’s this big McDonald’s bag on the floor and I think there might be something in it.
Yes
Say Something!
Oh, actually it’s just Pizza Rat.
No
Do Nothing!
Yo, Pizza Rat! What up?
Chorus
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THE SYSTEM
(Bob Katz)
What is this System bout I keep hearing
Blame it for everything, it don’t get wearying
When I can’t get a gig, lose the competition
I say ‘Can’t resist em, you can’t beat the System…..Yeah yeah yeah
It’s the System. You can't beat the System.’
And everyone nods their heads like they know what I’m talking bout
But I don’t even know what the hell I’m squawking bout
I’m saying folks with more money and power than me
Have banded together with their homophobic mentality
To deny my musical individuality
My brutalist venal theatricality
That seems to be my spe-ci-a-li-ty
Or maybe they just think I suck
Refrain
'Hey can’t resist em, you can’t beat the System…. Yeah Yeah Yeah….
It’s the System. You can't beat the System’.......
But what if it’s just my own paranoia
That tells me:
‘They’re afraid to employ ya
They try to avoid ya
They want to destroy ya’
And if every time I fail, I blame the system,
I guess that makes me the victim
Then I don’t have to do anything to improve my position
And I can sit on my ass and pretend I got wisdom
Refrain
Well system or no system
I’m gonna get to work like I’m on a mission
Gonna hit you so hard, like Sonny Liston
Prince Charles’s gonna feel it, back in old Great Britain
And all of you haters goin’ straight to prison
Cause it’s my greatness you been missin’
But if I still can’t get a gig….
Refrain
Outro:
It’s the System
But hey, you missed ‘em (many X)
….and I’m still great
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THIS IS MY FUNERAL SONG
(Bob Katz)
Verse 1
To all my friends and loved ones
I hope that you outlived me
And if I was a dick to you
I hope that you’ll forgive me.
I’m writing this stuff down now,
So I won’t be misquoted
You won’t have to guess what I was thinking
And this service won’t be bloated
Chorus
This is my funeral song
You can play this when I'm gone
After that play “Ain’t Nobody”
From Rufus With Chaka Khan
Cast my ashes near a mango tree
Or throw them in the Berring Sea
Maybe if I’m lucky
I’ll wash up at Coney - Island
Verse 2
Please don’t say I was a saint
We all know I wasn’t
Please don’t say my spirit guides you,
We all know it doesn’t
If that mystic shit helps you out,
Well then it’s ok
But me I really liked to eat,
We’ve got a great buffet
Chorus
Verse 3
When I tried to act hard-boiled
You all knew it was a pose
Instead it seemed my job in life
Was to emotionally expose
People called me sensitive
As if it was a curse
But I helped a lot of folks
You could do a whole lot worse
Chorus
Outro
It was a blessing to feel so intensely
It was an honor to love so immensely
I never understood what you saw in me
But hey, who am I to disagree
Now go eat
Go eat! (2X)
It's Good!
Go eat! (2X)
It's Good!
Go eat!
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ENTER THE MANGFATHER
(Bob Katz)
I was bopping along, down the main drag
A big juicy mango in my Gucci bag
Thought I heard someone come sneak up behind me
Pulled my mango pit shiv, case they try to malign me
Saw a nifty tag that was straight up gang
(It) said You want to make it to fifty?
Don’t mess with the mang
Now at first I didn’t think that that message was mine
A lot of guys out here that’s forty-nine
So I scooped up my mango, headed to my crib
Where me and twelve yummy mangos live
Then I saw another piece of fresh graff
If it wasn’t still wet, I’d probably just laugh
It said don’t be a fool,
We coming for you
Now I’m not a man that gets easily creeped
But I have to confess that I totally freaked
I looked around, couldn’t see nothing
But just in case, I started running
A Maybach in the middle of the street,
A mango in the driver’s seat
Shows me that, he’s packing heat
From the way he was stone cold chillin’
I could tell that mango was the villain
He said they call me The Mangfather
But you can just call me Arthur
He grabbed my Gucci bag, took my mango
Rolled over me like he was doing the fandango
Then he used my bag to give me a whang
Turned to me and said with a twang, he was from Down South
Don’t mess with the mang
He said next time baby, do me a favor
I know you be liking that mango flavor
But if you value your life, take my advice, Don’t mess with the mang
The mange is gonna get ya (3X). Don’t mess with the mang
A mango in a Maybach, getting payback (3X). Don’t mess with the mang
The Mangfather gonna get ya. (3X). Don’t mess with the mang
That’s right baby, Don’t mess with the mang
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
WOODY GUTHRIE GANGSTA RAPPER
(Bob Katz)
Woody Guthrie was an Oakie
Woody Guthrie was a folkie
Woody Guthrie travelled all over this land said all’s not okey dokey
Is this land your land?
Is this land my land?
"All you can write is what you see”, said Good Old Woody G.
Woody Guthrie lost his mommy
Woody Guthrie was a commie
His father was a member of the KKK
So Woody took his guitar, got the hell away,
and played for everybody
His guitar said “This machine kills fascists”
They threatened him with forty lashes
But he stood for all the world to see,
That Good Old Woody G. (repeat)
(The Ghost of Woody Guthrie)
Hey you!
That’s right faggot, you! It’s the Ghost of Woody Guthrie. Cut that folk shit out! Do you really think that after 50 years, I’m playing an acoustic guitar and doing the same damn thing. Here’s what I’m up to now dumb ass!
I’m leaning on the cops with Black Lives Matter
Hacking the IRS like a young whipper snapper
Defending Planned Parenthood and Roe V Wade
Even though I’m dead and in my grave
I’m snatching that rug offa Trump’s big head
Occupying Wall Street with my waterbed
Don’t touch those refugees, I’ll get you with my dagger
Cause I’m Woody Guthrie I’m a gangsta rapper! (repeat)
I’m twerkin’ and tokin’ with Miley Cyrus
I’m hosting the Grammy’s cause I’m lookin’ so stylish
I’m on Instagram, I’m posting my selfies
I’m so hot, I’m doing a striptease
I’m taking all your guns and keeping um
Gonna redistribute some of your personal income
I’m a True Blue Socialist Bernie Backer
Cause I’m Woody Guthrie and I’m a gangsta rapper! (repeat)
When I died I thought this country was getting more equal
Now this place feels like a really bad sequel
What these Republicans are doing to the poor, should be illegal
You better be scared I’m about to get lethal
I ain’t playing no motha fucking peace songs
I’m blowing up tankers with Greenpeace bombs
I’m out on the prairie, fucking up frackers
Cause I’m Woody Guthrie I’m a gangsta rapper! (repeat)
Look for me in the punk club mosh pits
Look for me with the cyber-activists
Look for me in Tahrir Square
Look for me delivering free health care
Look for me in Zuccotti Park
Look for me in Ferguson, after dark
I’ll be there
Don’t blame that stupid Bob Katz for this song. He just took dictation. Say it again, Bob.
I’m Woody Guthrie I’m a gangsta rapper (4x)
Stop!
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